Saturday, February 27, 2010

Weekend Thoughts - Gallo Makes With The Laugh Laugh 2/27

Ok, so in the vein of late night talk shows, I'm feeling I might just skip updates on the weekend. Look, I've got a lot to do on the weekend, and between drinking, and then recovering from drinking, I'm not made of time here.

Nevertheless, at the end of the week I'm going to try and post some of the jokes that my friend Ryan Gallo has written over the week. So here a little section I like to call "Gallo Makes With The Laugh Laugh and Whatnot"

"Gallo Makes With The Laugh Laugh and Whatnot" 2/27

Today in the news, Tiger Woods is no longer being sponsored by Gatorade. Yeah, he's been dropped from Gatorade. I guess now the only way to get the taste of Tiger Woods is to be a woman with low morals.

In his defense, Tiger Woods announced his own sports drink, Tigerade. Only one flavor has been announced publically, but there are rumors of up to 13 more in private.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Jokes: 2/26/10

Yesterday Charlie Sheen admitted himself to Preemptive Rehab, or what people are calling "prehab". So in about two days get ready to hear about his first "prelapse".

On the topic of monkeys in rehab, today there was a monkey that was sent to rehab. He was in a Russian zoo, and the zoo owners said that they needed to cure the monkey of its smoking and drinking habits. They also said that now they completely regret building a 7-11 right into his cage.

Dick Cheney is said to be recovering from his fifth, count it, fifth heart attack that he sustained only a few days ago. Though the former Vice President was in high spirits, saying "At least my next one will be free."

Today a 507 carat Petra Diamond sold for $35 million dollars, so think about that while you sit on your couch you got for free on craigslist.

In Britain, a department store is launching a gift registry for people who are not just getting married, but now for people who are getting divorced. This is a great idea, just as long as this department store sells kleenex and vodka.

Also in Britain, a few high-ranking British politicians have fallen victim to a scam on their twitter accounts. And yet Gary Busey still tweets unabated.

"The Monologist" Mission Statement

My name is Jesse Sachs. As an aspiring comedy writer, I think it's important to have an outlet for my work, and with Conan O' Brien off the air, and with myself not having a television or a job at this juncture, I figured it was worth it to just start writing my own late-night monologue jokes.

My disclaimer is this: Not all of these jokes are going to be winners. Even on the big scale they barely ever are, so cut me some slack. But I like criticism, and I like feedback, and I generally just like to know that people are enjoying my work, so any comment is welcome.

You are my rock, anonymous internet people.