On the topic of monkeys in rehab, today there was a monkey that was sent to rehab. He was in a Russian zoo, and the zoo owners said that they needed to cure the monkey of its smoking and drinking habits. They also said that now they completely regret building a 7-11 right into his cage.
Dick Cheney is said to be recovering from his fifth, count it, fifth heart attack that he sustained only a few days ago. Though the former Vice President was in high spirits, saying "At least my next one will be free."
Today a 507 carat Petra Diamond sold for $35 million dollars, so think about that while you sit on your couch you got for free on craigslist.
In Britain, a department store is launching a gift registry for people who are not just getting married, but now for people who are getting divorced. This is a great idea, just as long as this department store sells kleenex and vodka.
Also in Britain, a few high-ranking British politicians have fallen victim to a scam on their twitter accounts. And yet Gary Busey still tweets unabated.