Monday, March 8, 2010

Jokes: 3/8/10

Today former House Majority Leader Tom Delay was quoted as saying that people in America are unemployed because they want to be. So in a few years or so be prepared to give a lot of feedback on those screenplays that ten percent of Americans are taking time off to write.

The Oscars were last night, and let me just say, Alec Baldwin has been trying so hard to not be my favorite Baldwin anymore. The film "The Hurt Locker" beat out other favorite "Avatar" in many categories. As you might know, the director of "The Hurt Locker" Kathryn Bigelow used to be married to the director of "Avatar" James Cameron. All I'm saying is that this situation would make a great comedy, but unfortunately would never win an Oscar because it's a comedy.

Studies have found that women who frequently drink alcohol in moderation are more likely to keep their weight down. In other studies, men who frequently drink alcohol in moderation are more likely to be called a "pussy" by their friends.

A new study finds that Black and Hispanic Americans are more likely to lose sleep over job and money worries. That may be an interesting observation about the differences between races, but definitely couldn't sustain its own lame stand-up comedy bit.

Apparently Texans who live near the Mexican border are starting to use twitter in order to relay information to fight organized crime in Mexico. So now twitter can really do it all, oh, except make real money.

A Kentucky woman is being charged with assault after squirting breast milk at a female guard while she was in jail. The woman was originally put in jail for public intoxication, which probably explained how her cellmates were able to have "Slippery Nipples" that night. (I'm so sorry for this last one, I swear)

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