Friday, July 9, 2010

Monologist: 7/9/2010

A new climate phenomenon known as "La Nina" is starting to take hold in the gulf. You might remember it's counterpart "El Nino". "La Nina" is worse, because it gets even more violent and devastating for about one week every month.

Last night Lebron James officially announced that he was leaving Cleveland to play for the Miami. He was quoted as saying "I thought to myself, where would my grandma go to play?"

Cleveland is absolutely devastated over Lebron James leaving. The mood is so bad in Cleveland that Detroit feels bad.

More Mel Gibson tapes are coming out that show him being verbally abusive to his now ex-wife. Apparently he said "I will bury you in the rose garden". This is violent and terrifying, but still probably the most romantic thing he's ever said.

In New York City they are considering raising taxes on cigarettes, which could make a pack cost up to $15 dollars. So not only can you not smoke in bars anymore, you can't smoke in your economic class.

Chrysler is offering a new 60-day money-back guarantee on all of their new vehicles. To make their vehicles sound more like something you could buy off of TV, if you buy one right now, they'll throw in a ShamWow for no extra charge.

Lance Armstrong is calling for his Radio Shack-sponsored team to once again take the lead in the Tour de France. This would mark the first time a Radio Shack employee has tried hard to do anything.

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