Monday, September 27, 2010

Monologist 9/27/10

Today the owner of the company that makes the Segway died as he fell of a cliff while riding a Segway, so if I were the owner of Subway, I'd probably avoid riding underground mass transit.

Today the temperature in Los Angeles has reached a record 113 degrees. Local weather officials are calling this "Kardashian Weather", clarifying by saying "Look, we get it. You're hot. Now go away forever."

Southwest Airlines has bought AirTran for $1.4 billion dollars, or roughly as much as it costs to check four bags on Southwest Airlines.

President Barack Obama recently issued a request to have America lengthen the school year by one month. He also announced that Santa Claus was dead and that candy will now be illegal.

In Japan, an eight car pile-up was caused by a large amount of mayonnaise that fell off the back of a truck. The traffic was also stopped after people kept trying to make a weird porno in the street.

Scientists now have access to a DNA database of dogs that will allegedly help prosecute dogfighters and curb dogfighting altogether. Another thing helping to curb dogfighting, the fact that Michael Vick has a job playing football again.

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