Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Monologist: 3/17/11

About 170,000 pogo sticks are being recalled due to a large injury risk to kids. It's not because the pogo sticks are dangerous; it's because the kids are getting beaten up for having a pogo stick.

A woman in New Mexico is suing a Chili's restaurant after piercing her tongue on a 2-inch-long sewing needle found in her food. This is unusual for Chili's, as most people who eat there get sharp stabbing pains after they eat.
An Ohio man has been arrested after he robbed a bank, and then tried to board a city bus as a getaway vehicle. The economy has hit criminals hard too, which is why police are reporting that this month 75% of drive-by shootings have taken place as part of carpools.

President Barack Obama has filled out his March Madness bracket for the third year in a row. It was announced that he has chosen Duke, Kansas, Ohio State, and Pittsburgh to be in the Final Four. So tune into Fox News tonight to find out why these choices are so 'cowardly and elitist'.

With the NFL Labor talks falling through, players are beginning to look at other options if the sport gets locked out next year. Chad Ochocinco is trying out for a Major League Soccer team, a few players have signed on to play in the arena leagues, and Ben Roethlisberger has joined "Adult Friend Finder".

An L.A. County judge is under a lot of scrutiny after he made an "offensive and inappropriate" reference to the Ku Klux Klan during the case of two African Americans on trial for robbery. If he's fired it shouldn't be a huge life change, the only difference being that now the robe he has to wear will be white.

Banks have begun to test out having a $5 fee for ATM's. This will mark the first time an ATM machine can rob you.

Today is St. Paddy's day, so to celebrate you should do what the Irish did, and get kicked out of whatever place you decide to go to. Be safe!

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