Monday, May 16, 2011

The Monologist 5/16/11

A new product line called "Lazy Cakes", which are pastries that help you fall asleep at night, is becoming a popular solution to insomnia. It has become so popular that they are reaching out into the medicinal pastry market, and will soon be releasing a delicious ED medication called Pie-agra.

CNN anchor Don Lemon has publicly announced that he is gay. Wow, 'Don Lemon' is an interesting way to pronounce "Anderson Cooper".

A large amount of Entemann's donuts have been recalled for having an odd smell to them. Though most experts believe that the smell is just coming from the gross apartments of anyone who would actually eat Entemann's donuts.

Donald Trump has announced that he will NOT be running for President. He will instead be focusing on continuing to host "The Apprentice" on NBC. On a similar note, it was found that Newt Gingrich decided to run for President because his season of "The Bachelor" didn't quite pan out.

A mob boss by the name of "Vinny Gorgeous" has been found guilty of capital murder. Something tells me that nickname will definitely stick with him when he's in prison.

Theoretical Physicist Stephen Hawking recently dismissed the idea of heaven, saying "there is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy tale for people who are afraid of the dark". Did I say "theoretical physicist"? I meant to say "goth icon" Stephen Hawking.

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