Monday, February 14, 2011

The Monologist 2/14/11

In Hong Kong a McDonalds has started to offer weddings inside their restaurant. This will be perfect for couples who don't want to waste any time after their wedding to 'go off the wagon'. They also offer a honeymoon package, where you will spend one all-expenses-paid week in a Denny's.

Tonight Watson, the computer robot built to play Jeopardy, will take on human contestants on the show. Unfortunately the only robot that will be featured on "The Wheel of Fortune" tonight will be Vanna White.


A 19-year-old blogger in Syria has been sentenced to 5 years in jail for writing posts about the suffering of Palestinians. Though after he's out of jail, he should make a lot of money when the blog is turned into a sitcom called "Shit My Despotic Government Says".

One of the members of the "Never Miss a Super Bowl" club has passed away today. Unfortunately, his family are still members of the "Always Miss A Funeral" club.

The State of Arizona is trying to pass a law that says that hospitals have to start checking the citizenship status of their patients. This law is obviously targeting all of those lazy Canadians who could just go home to get free healthcare.

A New York City condom company has just launched an iPhone app that helps you find a place to get condoms. So now if you get an STD, you can say it was because you were too busy playing 'Angry Birds'.

40-year-old Tonya Harding is pregnant. WHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?! WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!